More Deeper

We are living right now on one roof. Our relationship gets even more deeper. I don't know what will happened next. As long as I have my love one beside me I am complete and very much happy.

Hoping this will be forever....to takecare one one another and holding on...

Why it was questioned, still compares...

My love still keep questioning what kind...how big..my love is im giving....I am hurting...I could see in the eyes a fear...fear of my love because maybe theres no love in return for me? or Can't believe that I'm giving the love

Still compares me to the past relationship experienced. It was very hurting. I never thought I will hear it again. I know I'm not like her. I am not like her very much..so much different...but there is still comparison. Nevertheless I have to accept it because I wasn't the first. I know how they been through for 3 years, in that 3 years of their relationship, it has grown more that's why everyone knows about them and like them being together hates me. I could feel it they hated me. There comes to a point that I would just say my cryings and hurtings are their happiness and the happiness so much of the ex girlfriend. I know I have compare my love to my past but not as deeper comparison..not much that would hurt my partner.

I keep on saying that I would not leave no one. Yes I won't. As long as my love needs me I will be there. It will be hurting if I hold on and no one holds me back. I would rather die if my love falls out of love for me. I would rather go that no one knows me if my love is just there for me and can't leave me just because of pity and no love existing anymore. It would be a big conscience for me to make a person stay even if the person doesn't want to stay and just staying because of pity and guilt.

My Blue BeaR

It was given to me by my love. It was a sign I use to ask in the Lord that whoever shall give me a stuffed toy with blue in color would be my true love. Finally that's it. Someone has given me a blue stuffed toy during a no occasion day for both of us. I have named it kling2 after a duckling(long story for you to ask)

That night I was planning to say its over and just put to an end whats with in us. What I mean to say is control our feelings and put limits on it because it was wrong and I could say it wasn't meant for us to be together and I am thinking I am not deserving the love that was offered to me. But I don't know what to say or how would I say because I was really astonished of what I have receive....It was a sign I've been waiting for so long...and I don't want not to take it away. Signs from God are a holy gift.

The night came and the plan was pursued. I have hurt the person I have ever love like no others. My mind was battling either the sign of God or my weird thinkings. The sign of God was the strongest and I can't take it living my love alone and hurting. Everyday and every night we are together I've been falling. My love grows more and deep. I hold on to the love that the person is showing me. I don't have idea what to do anymore either I will leave or not. My tears fall when I heard the words saying "never let me go". It was touching and I was very sensible with that words. I have stayed and not wanting to let go anymore. I hug to say sorry for planning to leave and I promise to love and be strong for both of us.

And my decision is great. I can say that to myself for without my love I can't imagine what would my life be today and tomorrow....But its not about the sign anymore..its about the love that we give in to each other that we stay together up to know.......

My Lover's Confession

If your lover confess to you, and that confession is what you don't want to be heard and would came out from his mouth, what would you do?

The first confession. My lover with his ex-girlfriend in the morning went together cleaning up. I know they do it before but its all over between them. It really hurts the most. Just like my heart bleeding until it stop beating. Of course the ex-girlfriend is so happy, even if my love would state no touching or whatsoever. Still the ex will be hoping for more chance of winning him back into her arms.

Second Confession. My love lies to me. What I know is that he is alone. Then afterwards he is with his classmate having videoke, then sleeps on to the boarding house of that classmate. Then after a week, my love confesses. He is not with a classmate but with an officemate which I have a huge jealous with.  My God...I dont know what to feel, I just cried over...my cries in that night was not enough for my hurt and pain I felt. One night too that we are not together was that he is with her and havent had idea they do have that plan of a date.

Third Confession. My love and the ex - girlfriend had an intimate kiss. He said it was just a try regarding if still there is feelings or what is a feeling to kiss your ex-girlfriend. How about that? maybe he would try having sex to to prove his final feelings, either he love me or still love his ex. He told me that there is no feelings now or attachment. Hahaha..and now what? I should be glad that there kiss is nothing beyond? A big question..will a kiss prove that you love that person or have a feeling towards that person still? I don't get it still up to now, why would he kiss his ex just to know if there is still love or not...remembering this makes me angry in the world. I felt betrayed. I know the ex girlfriend is having hope for both of them and my love just gave her a bit of a chance of hope again.

These are so far the most hurting and painful confession made by my love. Honesty I am still getting over with it. Yes I forgave my love because I love him. I am that understandable because loving is accepting and forgiving the wrong.

Selfishness

I never expected that the person I love would tell me I am selfish. Why? its because I am way to possessive? very jealous person? I'm feeling that way because I just love the person very much.

Yes I admit, I'm afraid losing another person I love. I wanted to keep the relationship and as much as possible, all my time I would give to that person alone. I wanted to have more memories together with my love. I want to care and love the person as long as I can.

At first I was not possessive nor jealous. But as time goes by, I am becoming. Because one thing is for sure, I have known my love has feelings over the other despite that I am there. Why? It hurt me so bad that I really want to confront my love but I can't. I am so afraid to hear the truth from her and would come out from the mouth that yes there is feelings existing.

Yes! I became more possessive to a point I am holding my love like my prisoner. Yes! I am much insecure because I am not expressive to my feelings, I just keep quite and doesn't know how to care and say flowering words. But frankly speaking I appreciate and idolized my love, I just don't know how to express it. I am not sweet,  I'm just me like a stick sometimes. Or maybe I am not fond to be with.

But really it gets into my nerves everytime I remember my lover's confession. So hurting, I wanted to shout, get angry because I was just fooled. All I did was cry out. Cried so painfully.

I do respect my love's decision. I do respect the friends surrounding us. I am really thankful that my love has many friends that love and care. I like those person who accepted what my love is.

One thing is for sure I am not letting my love stay away with friends, officemates and classmates. I wanted my love to enjoy too. Its just that there are just girls that are showy. So I can't help being jealous and hurt.

I feel your WHISPER

by SANTHOSH SHENOY

I Feel & hear your whisper, sways around like asper
Gentle echoes that they are of which you are least aware
I hear the whispers of the wind, I see the stars shine in the sky,
But, none feels like your whispers or matches the star shining in your eye
It sways ardent breeze of harmony, each word is wrapped in rhapsody.

At times when wind blows through trees do I pause & listen to its passing?
I feel your voice brushing me, the gentle warmth touching me
I hear the tenderness of your voice that fills the spectrum of my soul.
Your Vibes, I feel when you're near me, Your breath, I feel tickling me, on my ears
Whisper gently in my ear, a simple whisper, A whisper that speaks louder than words
Into my ears, flow the whispers of love, Whispers, the speech of tireless lips
I long to hear forever, your sweet whisper like laughing water, a music to my ears
The soothing words that fall, smooth from out your lips
On my heart, it pours and lands softly, dewdrops they are, on my finger tips

The mischievous glow in your eyes which I always long to see forever
The ecstasy I see in your eyes, to which myself and my desires, I give
Standing still, I gaze into the twin pools, count your eyelashes, Measure your breath
How I wish, I could taste the honey of your maidenly breath
I wonder whether you stare at me? Could that be connected with mine?
Eyes to eyes share a story, gather flowers, share the fragrance, share the music
Open your heart, gently close your eyes and see, there appears a face, in the space in your heart
I will hold you there, I swear, in your dreams, in the warmth of desire, with a gentle embrace
In a soft embrace, Heads on shoulders, we entwine, you are mine forever

Capture my heart with your passion, tickle & whisper softly in my ears
Your voice, my love, I will listen, in my heart, it always whispers
Come with me, be with me Forever and always, Let me Love You