9th Monthsary

It is our 9th monthsary but the sad thing is I we both forgot.

We treated our monthsary just normal days maybe because it is really normal. Unlike his previous relationship so special. Monthsary nga pero timing na mgparamdam xa at ma hurt nmn ako.

For off the topic. I should have been ashamed to myself, no one should be ashame except me and not others involving specially the ex-girlfriend. (I don't know what would be the right term for his girl). Mabuti nlng at hindi ko na send yung text messages ko for her of what does she wants kasi ako pala ang lugi sa laban.

I know no one would believe me if I say I really felt sorry for what happened to her and it was not my rejoicing moment as other say about.

I still can't understand why I still keep crying every time I remember and up to now his friends doesn't like me to be the girlfriend. I still shed tears likely to know I have not impress his friends, and I will never impress them I guess for the thing is I really don't know them. But it really hurts for in their eyes ako ang mangaagaw. Is that what I did?

I don't know if he was happy last time when he chooses me. Chooses? I didn't know he has to choose between us. That's why in my mind, I am the one who ruins their relationship, I mean kawawa nmn ang girl sa ginawa ko. I was being to selffish, when I think only for my happiness. To what happened to her I just gave her another set of problem. Am I that bad already?

Maybe thats why the girl has still guts and accepts what had happened to her for it was her fate. And I know now if time be brought back she won't let it happened and they will still be together without me knowing that I existed. I know I will be left behind if the situation is just and just.

I never know what was happening, there where hurting, tears, hopes, martyrdom while me being so selfish.  Thats why a friend of his commented na iba yung pagkakilala nya sakin and for what happened to the girl he also commented I have gain more confidence to get his friend. But he was really wrong, I never felt that way as what he was thinking, to him I am that bad and insensitive but did he try to get my side? did he try to talk to me and listen to me one on one? On the last time of what wrongful I did to his friends did he confronted me? Instead I never heard from him again and he just keeps on dictating as to what comforting his friend more to make me a bad person. He also accuses me that I am trying to break the friendship of their barkada. I don't know up to now if he is fully accepting me as me and as girlfriend.

All this moments are really ideal. I don't know if he also consider this as "pinagdaan" or a trial to us both.

The 3 Words

I was hurt when I have read something on his history chat. It was about saying "I miss you" and mostly "I love you" to the woman I am so angry the way she acts towards him. I just slightly read and stop! In the history chat they have many conversations using her alias. I didn't dare to read it anymore for I was hurting and seeing the ambituous face of that girl while they chat. Maybe she was very amaze and like hearing the 3 words for the first time in her life? isn't it?

He told me it was nothing and was just a joke. If he was joking did he consider my feelings that I will be hurting? or did he consider the feelings of that girl? what if the girl believes it was true? and having little growing on her ambituous heart? And if they do exchanged each other with the 3 words...how about me? What about me?

For me he has no right to say I love you to others and only to me and just me. He should consider who he will be addressing the 3 words. For some girls might be believing it was true especially that ambituous girl.

I keep on thinking why the "playing your song" girl has chatted suprisingly. Well I got the answer in my mind, for my boyfriend chatted with the ambituous girl, and maybe she relates it to "playing your song" girl. This girl then also wants the 3 words "joke" coming from my boyfriend. Hope this isn't true. For I really love saying to them "tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are". If only they knew.

And I can't stand looking at them especially while talking to my boyfriend. I know girls how they act if they knew a guy wants or has feelings to them. They act nicely and charming. Yes it is normal but with this two girls as if they are competing to win the heart of my boyfriend.

Anyways, I have my boyfriend and he is mine and I am his. I love him and I know he loves me. That is for their big information.