Brought me to Hell

There’s no glow between us. I am left behind with it comes to his life. But that’s ok. It is easy for me to such decision for myself.

I hate to be called as his bestfriend or close friend. I want as to be as normal friends like anybody else.

I hate it when some people ask me about his whereabouts, I don’t even know where is he heading, so why ask me.

I hate it when people rely that we make 1 decision, hey I don’t even know his likes and dislikes. I don’t know him anymore.

I hate it when people say where he is there am I. Once and for all we must not go along each others path. I knew from the bottom of my heart he also wanted this way first.

I hate it when people ask me what are his plans in the future. Again, I big I don’t know.

I ahte it when people reserve a sits to us just beside each other. I should have sit at the end and hime on the other end.

I hate people saying we have one in common, well we don’t even have exactly fan together. Its begiining to transform that his likes are not my likes anymore, his activities are not my activities anymore and will never be.

Why people keep saying we are best friends, knows each others, have in common. I think this has to come to an end taht people will forgot we go along. For it will never be and it should not be.

Hope everyone does understand this, I’m not a bad girl here, just making the right decision. That its time for me to give up what I have been fighting for over a year for it has no happy ending nor success of a fight. Things are not the same as it should be anymore.

I don’t care how people treat me and say against me because I am giving space around him. I don’t care if they say I have attitude problem. If only they knew what’s going on between us. If only they knew the whole story.

I knew people have a hard time reaching out to me. That I keep distant from them too, for only they knew its the only way we could not be together. I know this is a wrongful act, I should not keep distant with the group but I should give up so that he can freely fly and enjoy.

If only I will have a new set of friends to totally be not with him together all the time especially group dinners and parties. Anyway even if I am with the group and he is there as if we don’t know each other, I can’t even remember we talk or laugh with or sitting beside each other.

I am determine and I know this is way better than reaching out to him, getting his attentions just a split seconds and caring much but in the end I still cry and feeling not worthy to be with him.

I know in life you must do exactly where your heart is but thinking much is in the path and way to get the heart well treated and taken care of.

Within this time, 1 is better but having second time around is enough. I am fooled by my heart and mind. Fooled that it is hard to escape and will be forever a bad dream. I always say ‘dream on’ but it’s me it strikes the most.

I have no way intention in coming things to as common as it is know, I can’t fooled my self anymore. There were sacrifices I have made, friends that I have left out, things I have given up and pleasure I have modified and when its time for me to comeback, they are all gone, I just realize they have gone, I stop giving them importance for him, and in him it is me that its not important to him.

I am too late to bring back what I have left out. They are not coming back anymore and it hurts me the most and feeling of guilt and ashame to myself.

What I have done is the most happiest in my life but it has brought me to hell.