No space

I could see now that I have no place and space in his life, time, plans and decision.

Reason being I can't be with him any longer. It would just hurt me. Especially in the country where almost his girl friends are in it. I would not be happy in their. I will have to find a place of my own to start a new life and forget this bunch of nightmares and lies I have gone through.

I hate it that after a whole day of spending's I just receive smiles and no thank you. As if he just remembers me if he needs something to buy or spend with. Hey he can't even spend a little penny if he knows I would benefit it.

Thoughts of Break Up

I thought breaking up and be friends with him gives me more confident and think I also exist and no malice around, but its now upside down. Its more like I am not beside him, I could see that he feels bored when we are the only 2 left.

Yes indeed even it hurts I have to say this, he has fallen out of love in me because of my over jealousy character. I am shouting at him if I am angry and had brought an arms on him. I do not regret this for I believe what I see. What I feel I fought out.

My defense: I am jealous for I could see it in his eyes whether he have or have no passion to be with the other girls. I know him attitude. Even he denies to death. He even once said he has no contentment so this means he doesnt love me that much unlike his ex.

This Sucks!

Lesson being. He treats me like his ex. Looks like I am in the place of his ex. He strolls with his girl friends while me left alone in the apartment waiting for companionship. And when he arrives he can't hardly notice me and switches on his laptop and chat again with his girl friends.

I am now in his ex situation in the past, waiting for him to go home early or late at night. Plus it os ok for him I am alone while its not ok for him that his girl friends doesn't have companion. SUch big sucking unfair!

Gift Still Not Receive

I have bought a lot of things again for him. I hope he notice my effort, time and money, but I could see he was happy, happy to have those material things and my name was not honored again if someone praises what he have.

I could see while buying gifts, I know now who is well important to him. It hurts me the most that I dont get special gift this time again. Specially on my birthday, just a simple greetings. I am not saying that I am looking for material things from him but I like to see how well and how deep his time, money, effort, care, love amd impotance he have like what I have bestowed from him.

He once said he will be going alone to buy somethings and also to me. Let us see if he could, again fortunately he can't, for they will be going together in the mall with his very close and my underneath-post-star agian! So perfectly arriving, he doesn't have brought anything except food. So what have they done there? A bunch of lies from him.

Gift Still Not Receive from only shows that he cant have any effort showing me how important I am.

Fallen Tears

I have fallen tears again on the office after the weekend. I have tears again in front of my desktop. I hate this. I develop tears every time I remember what I saw. How could I clamor, I have know right, just have the right to keep it.

I hardly notice that he treats me like one of his fling girls. I thought I was specially but it was all a saying, a thought that fades away in the air.

Underneath 2

They really did it, in front of me and with other friends. It was ok to him. A strong hold it between fingers.

A friend have notice a quickly and suddenly change mood but I have denied it. Good thing I have a quick thinking.

I can't even remember if we did it when we are still on. Why does he keep on showing me that he can do it to others and he cant do it with me especially publicly.

A question that has roled my mind. I have stop my emotion from dwelling as I can. Why can't I get over this things. Why can't I put in my mind that he doesn't love me anymore.