Dream

Oh Lord, please don't let me dream about him if it won't be happening by tomorrow or on other days to come.

He really loves me for he only needs me.

In times of trouble he is present but in times of happines he wasn't.

In times of cries he is present but in times of laughters he can't be interrupt.

How could I appreciate life and humility when he spend more money with his friends and I gave him the expenses secretly. The grattitude was given to him while I stay in low profile for the generousity I gave in.

Here is a story, he wants to be generous to his friends that he want to take and spend money and time for them. And all our friends would say he is so generous and rich..blah blah blah..but at the end of the day he would ask me to pay him for all the expense he paid for our friends. Or on that time he would secretly as for money and then when the time comes I had given him he would volunteer to pay all the expense. So then our friends would believe that it is his money and not mine. Of course surely the gratitude..thanks..apreciation was with him and not in me. I am not saying that it should be me taking all those appreciation and thanks but all I am asking is that he should also gave me even just a little credit or a thank you word came from him or he will also let our friends recognize that I do had shares too but all I get is a frowns and a blowing air of uttering words. After those, it was just nothing I have done for him to have those thanks, etc, it was easy for him to forget what I did,

I am like a bubble, once he blows I am create and dancing on the air and once he blows me again in just a snap I'm gone.

What is my purpose here on earth up to now problems wont leave me. I always pray and it was granted but the single most prayer I had its not and it was left out. Did God miss my prayer? Did God throw it on the trash or still unread?

Friendship or Love?

I knew all this time and no second thought, I am very sure as ever and its really true that he wont choose our relationship. He would choose his friend/s and not me.

Why is it so? well it was proven that he really had concern and he enjoys the company of his friend or friends over his girlfriend. This is common and its reality, who would choose love or friendship? I mean mostly people would choose friendship over love.

Maybe to him I can had it in a sentence. Friendship for him is a treasure of golds and precious stones that he cannot bequeath. Love for him is just a distruction, a hindrance to his dreams. That's why he love a friend more than he love his girlfriend.

For people friendship is the most important thing in the world, so why choose a lover when a friend is already at hand with happy moments together?

Unknown Battle

Maybe he is caring and loving because of what my possible illness would be.  He said he would probably miss me if I have to go and had proper medication if the result would be a serious one. Is he making this time to spend a lot and to stay with me making me feel I am not alone fighting an unknown battle inside me and to gain me strength that I have the will to survive or live for him for without me he doesn't know what to do(I'm confident to say this) ?

Is it because of my unknown illness that he starting to say 'I love you', to let me know that he loves me and that I am willing to be healthy and take care of myself so that we could be together until the ends of my life.

If this is the case, well then I hope I am feeling sick so that I had his attention mostly.

All I am askign now is to pray and believe that this unknown battle inside me will be gone caoz this gives me the feeling of discomfort. Hope everything is fine and healthy.

Jealous State

I love the way my love gets into jealous state. He hinders me more to believe that he still loves me and never let me go. It only proves that he didn't want me to be with somebody else. This is a fresh feeling.

My love is so cute when he is jealous. But sometimes I am into tears if it gets worsten.

Right now I cant describe our situation but still I know he would still be saying no commitment and we are both single.  But in the end of the day I am still relieve coz I know I still have him at this very moment.

I am hearing it right?

I don't know if I am hearing it right, since last night after a big fight he was saying 'I love you'. We had exchange that 3 words! (I have been longing for this again to happened). I don't know if I will be happy or not, I wont expect too much again as this hurts more. I don't know if this will last long but since last night and this day we stated "I love you" to each other.

Hmmmm..maybe he doesn't want to loose me. Because a close friend of mine was texting me always and he has suspicion that the guy got feelings for me...blah..blah..blah.. Maybe this close guy of mine is a savior, through him he has let my love come back to me.

I love the way things going now but I hate the way my love is driven by intuitions.

Unsuitable

Why is it he can post his pictures together with a girl,  from avatars to public photo sharing but with it comes to me he can't do it.  The one reason is he is not proud at me even through friendship. I never remember he had posted our picture as an avatar. I sick and tired of this situation. I wish it would end. It's very much unfair and unsuitable. Yes it is true he doesn't care about my feelings and he only thinks for his happiness to persuade.

Bleeding Silently

Last night I make the biggest mistake again. Why did I do that? Why did I let him. I am very stupid. It looks like my heart is bleeding again silently.

No I realize for him it was never important. For him there is no 'us' already.  And now I should know what is now and what is in the past.